Hey bloggers!  Hope you had a great weekend.  I attended my nieces's wedding in Kentucky and it was wonderful!  She was beautiful, he sang to her, my brother danced, I got to spend 6 hours in the car with my youngest son, laughing, joking, dancing, singing and rapping (yes I rapped, freestyle and I have to say for a white girl I did pretty good) AND a family member noticed I had lost weight.  Could not have been a better day!  Sunday was work and worship all tied into one as I went to a church to speak about foster care.  Today was just work (boo).  I weighed this morning at 247 lbs which is a total weight loss of 41 lbs.  So the weight loss has definitely slown down.  I have done well dieting this passed week, in fact, I had stomach virus and was unable to keep food down for two days.  So I guess now I have to kick the exercise into gear (BOO).  When I was young and thin I loved to exercise, I ran everyday, I would love to run again, but now I am physically unable.  Running would probably cause a cardiac infarction!  I guess I will settle and walk...and now's a good time because our agency is having a competition with our other agencies across the state to see which office can walk the most.  I guess I should be a "team player" and do my part instead of putting my pedometer on my dog (what?  I thought it was a great idea!)  Anyway, walk, walk, walk, why don't I want to walk?  It's simple...I'm FAT!!!  I don't like to sweat!  And, I'm FAT!  HELP!  I need an exervention!  (for all of you who do not speak "kesha" that's an exercise intervention).  Where are my motivators???  Somebody make me get my big butt (oh, by the way, I wore a dress to the wedding I wore to my son's graduation a year ago and although it looked a lot better from the front, my butt really stuck out!  I just can't seem to get it to cooperate with this weight loss thing) and exercise!  Where is Richard Simmons when you really need him?  And why did he name that stupid video sweatin to the oldies?  He could hav called it slimmin to the oldies, then I might have been deceived enough to actually do it!  Ok, I need suggestions, inspiration, motivation, a kick in the hiney, whatever you got.  Don't weight, HELP NOW! 

Just another Monday!

Hello all.  Sorry I haven't written in a week.  I know I should be ashamed but I was really hiding!  I had a terrible food week!  I even broke down and ate real ice cream on Saturday and did not drink one drop of water yesterday!!!!  But...I weighed this morning at 250 lbs, which is a total loss of 38lbs!  and that was on the doctor scale!  So I am back on track now (again) I had a 250 calorie lunch and a 100 calorie snack, it was a skinny cow ice cream!  and it was sooooo delicious!!!  Almost too good to be true! 

Skinny cow now that's an oxymoron!  Has anyone ever seen a cow that was skinny and healthy?  No!  Just the image it brings is sickening! 

Wow, that was a weird tangent.  So, my son, who was in culinary school, made a terrific statement the other day.  It was, "fat=flavor".  Of course he was talking about adding fat (butter, oil, etc) to a recipe but I got to thinking, why couldn't that apply to people as well?  It could.  Fat equals flavor!  Why does someone who is overweight have to be boring and predictable, why can't we be spontaneous and fun?  I don't know about others but I AM!!  I love having fun, dancing, singing (even though I can't), playing, swimming, travel!  I love it all and I shouldn't shy away from it because I am heavy and I refuse to live my life according to other people's standards!  I WILL BE ME WHEN I AM HEAVY AND I WILL BE ME WHEN I AM NOT!!  Just weight and watch me!

Hello Monday, we meet again.

Monday.  Today is definitely Monday.  My body is totaling feeling it today.  A friend said the other day, "I'm having a fat day".  I made him think I was completely offended by that statement and I was going to write terrible things about him in my blog. Well, today, Monday, I am having a total "fat day".  I weighed this morning at 252 lbs.  Disappointing.  Need encouragement from my supporters today.  Looking forward to Tuesday.

Mothers Day 2011

Happiest Mothers Day to all who have ever been a mother, understand that being a mother does not necessarily mean physically having a child.  It means if you have ever loved, advised, guided, disciplined, comforted, encouraged and molded a child.  Thanks to all of the women in my life that have been my mothers.  A special thank you to my loving mother who puts up with me and still loves me! 

I have corrected the comment issue so I encourage you to please leave a comment! 

I went dancing last night with my husband, youngest son and some good friends.  We went to a little country place called "the pickin barn".  It is a family oriented establishment, no alcohol or smoking and all ages are welcome.  We had a lot of fun and let me tell you dancing is definitely EXERCISE!!!  I am sore today!!  So being a pretty outgoing person I do not mind getting up in front of others and dancing.  I like to have fun and I deserve to have fun.  Many people who are overweight have a feeling that they do not deserve good things in their life.  I have been there!  All people no matter what they look like deserve to have every good thing they possibly can!  No conditions.  So what if people laugh or make fun of you!  Who cares!  The opinion of others only matters if you let it!   There are only a very selected few people in my life that I allow to influence me based on what they think, feel and believe.  If I allowed all the people in my life to have that ability, I would never be able to make my own decisions, I would have no self esteem, I could not function on my own.  Essentially I would have given all of my power away to others.  I have done that before but at some point I realized that I need my power, that I am a powerful, intelligent, beautiful and capable woman!  Weight does not affect any of those attributes, unless you let it and I refuse to let it!  I will not weight around watching life go by!  I encourage you to live your life the way you choose and not let anyone hinder you in your pursuits.  If you like to dance, dance, if you like to sing, sing, if you like sports, play sports, don't let how you look stop you!  Be true to YOU!

Completely Excited!!

I will start today with a side note from yesterday's blog.  I was discussing it with my family when my son told me that two of  his friends told him that he was, "the best looking fat guy they knew".  Irritating!  Why, oh why must there be a qualifer?  Why can't he just be called a good looking guy?  If anyone knows the answer please comment and let me know. 

Well, I have just met a MAJOR goal in my weight loss journey!  Today I was able to bend over, put on my socks and shoes and then tie them ALL BY MYSELF!!  WOOO HOOO!!  Ok for all of you who may be wondering why this is such a major milestone, in other words all you skinny folks, I will explain.  For about 10 years now I have been too overweight to reach my feet.  To put on shoes and tie them I had to sit down and bring my leg up beside me to do so and even then there have been times that I have still not been able to reach them.  I think as happy as I am my dear wonderful husband is even happier so he won't have to help me anymore!  Being severely overweight definitely hinders independence in a person.  There have been many things that I have not been able to reach, some of them I would never dare to write on my blog...I will leave that to your imagination, let's just say there is an animated movie out there called, "meet the robinsons" and on this movie there is a dinosaur who is trying to catch these children but he cannot reach them because, as he says, "i've got a great big head and little bitty arms", well my situation is similar, "i've got a great big butt and little bitty arms"!!!  'Nough said about that!  I have decided that when I reach 40 lbs lost I will post a new picture, so hopefully that will be any day now, who knows maybe even on Monday.  Gotta go for now, going to get my groove on at a local dance club (family oriented country). 

Hey how do you like the new background?  I love it, what do you think?  Let me know.  Also, post your weight loss if you are working with me!!!

Friday!!!! Yeah!!!! :)

It's Friday!  It's Friday!! Yeah!!  Hey everyone! Hope you are all well on this beautiful Friday afternoon! So, my co-workers have given me much to write about in the last week.  For instance, one of my co-workers was (jokingly) hurling insults at another co-worker yesterday and he said, "fat and ugly".  Fat AND ugly??? Hmmm.  What exactly do you think he meant by that?  That being ugly is a condition of being fat?  Or maybe that being fat is a condition of being ugly.  Either way it was obviously intended as an insult.  I mean, you never hear someone insulting another person by saying, "you are skinny and beautiful"!  Pretty good bet it was an insult.  Good thing as Americans, we have freedom of speech so we can use it to jab, poke and verbally harass others.  Do you really think that's what our founding fathers intended us to use that freedom for?  Probably not.  Wow!  Sounds like I have found my soapbox today!!!  I guess I could use my freedom to interpret and change my perception of that statement.  Maybe I should look at it in the light of "if you're fat, you must not be ugly"  otherwise why would they say both?  Maybe being fat makes you mutually exclusive from being ugly.  Well, I have heard people say, "you've got such a pretty face".  I am unsure how to perceive this comment as well.  In the past I have perceived it to mean, "your face is pretty, but the rest of your body is gross".  I think from now on I will choose to think it is positive. 

Words are so powerful and yet we sling them around without the slightest thought of how they may affect someone else.  I am as guilty as anyone and I am ashamed.  Words once spoken can NEVER be taken back.  You can apologize and really mean it, but you can never put those words back in your mouth and make them be not heard.  They are out there and believe me once they are spoken and heard they are never forgotten.  So let's make an effort to be more careful about the words we use and our intention in using them.  You never know who might be hearing them.  Thanks for weighting!

Tuesday, I think!

Since I have been dishing about truth check out this truth..."I'm in a tight spot!".  At least that's what I think everytime I attempt to use a public restroom, sit in a  restaurant booth, or try clothes on in a fitting room.  Really who designed those things?  Must have been a  skinny dude!!!  Ok, admit it you all know what I'm talking about.  You realize you are going to have to use a public restroom and immediately you begin feeling the anxiety creep up your neck, "will it be too small?", "will the doors open in or out?", "can I get away with using the handicap stall?".   Ok, you're laughing but you know it's true!  You walk into the restroom at any public place and you look to see if the doors opens in or out.  Most of the time they open in, which means, for big girls anyway, that we are going to have to play contortionist to use the restroom.  Is it  worth the hassle?  Well, for a big girl who's had three babies and now suffers with bladder dementia (it forgets when it is suppose to hold urine and when it is ok to let it go) it is not a matter of "is it worth it?" it's a matter of "can I hold it?".  And the answer is usually NO.  So, I face my anxiety, take a deep breath and bravely confront the restroom stall.  I open the door (of course, inward) step in and begin the humiliating task of attempting to close the door while standing on the toilet seat (ok, I have never really stood on the seat before, but I have straddled it many times).  Once the door is shut, you begin to "prepare" and this is just as bad as the door incident.  I mean imagine if you will, a hippopotamus standing in a shower stall trying to take off undergarments...just not comfortable!!!  So, here I sit in this miniscule stall with one shoulder against each wall, my knees touching the door (and remember I am short), the toilet paper dispenser crowding my belly and I won't even mention where the sanitary napkin disposal is sticking me!  Oh, the horror!!  Unfortunately it doesn't end there because once you are finished you must clean yourself and re-dress.  Not pretty.  I have often hit my head on the door while pulling up my pants!  Once you are successfully re-dressed you have to face opening the door again while straddling the toilet.  Of course, while you are straddling the toilet is the exact time that someone walks by or a little kid points and laughs!  The indignity is nearly unbearable and please do not even get me started on the port a potty!!!  Until next time, keep weighting on me!                                         

Today (Monday)!!!

So, I weighed today at 252 lbs. I lost one more pound.  I really shouldn't be discouraged but it is hard not to be.  I took my ring in this weekend to have it cleaned and sized it went from a size 9 to a 7 1/2.  Hmm, maybe I am getting smaller. 

As a big girl, I have had well intentioned friends in my life that lie.  Have you ever had that experience?  Yes, friends lie, shocking isn't it?  But does it really count as a lie if they are trying to spare your feelings?  HECK YES!!!  So you want an example huh?  Okay here goes.  I have this one friend who we will call Dolly.  One day I was pouring out my heart to Dolly about being overweight and the feelings I associated with this condition...okay enough beating around the bush, I was telling Dolly how much I hated being FAT!  My dear friend "Dolly" looked at me and said, "oh, Kesha, you're not fat".  Well intentioned, good hearted....liar!  I was insulted!  Of course I am fat, does she think I am blind and stupid too?  Really why do we do things like that?  I mean I CAN see and my doctor tells me every chance he gets how I need to lose weight, would he do so if I weren't fat?  I think not!  So we lie to make people feel better about themselves, all the while we leave them in the condition that is so unsatisfying to them, and in my case, dangerous to my health (physical and mental).  A pastor once said, "ladies, don't put your husbands in the position where they have to lie"  it makes me think of the honest abe commercial where his wife asks him if her dress makes her look fat, he struggles to answer without lying, but he is consumed with guilt about the truth.  Why are people uncomfortable when I say I am fat?  It is the truth.  Is it the truth that makes them uncomfortable or the preconceptions that society has formed concerning people who are fat, such as, lazy, stupid, non motivated, uneducated, dirty, and without self control?   I have had doctor's in the past that did everything possible to keep from touching me, as if, fat was contagious!  Listen up people!  Fat is not contagious, unless you choose it to be!  Don't lie to make me feel better, because it doesn't work!  I can convince myself that I am a size 6 but when I try to put on a size 6 it ain't happening!  Be bold, be kind, tell the truth, and help me change my life instead of enabling me to stay in the same miserable condition.  Who knows, if someone had told the truth many years ago, my self deception may have not worked and I would not have gotten to this point.  Love me enough to be honest even if it does hurt.  Love hurts!  But fat kills!  Don't weight until it's too late.  See ya next time.

May Day!

Hello all.  I must begin by apologizing for my lack of posting in the past week.  My schedule was booked Monday and Tuesday and then, as most of you know, Wednesday was the day of the devastating weather here in Tennessee and I have been without power until midnight last night.  I have to tell you that although being without power is an awful inconvenience, I am grateful that it is all I am without after the devastation I have witnessed in the last week.  Entire neighborhoods completely gone and lives lost.  Please continue to remember all of the victims of the tornados in prayer.

So remember how I talked about my husband being a saboteur?  And how he has gotten better about not doing that?  Well, now he has gone too far!  The other day he took me out to eat in Chattanooga while we were down there getting a part for the generator.  Anyway, this place had brownies in baggies on the counter and I picked one up and said, "do you want to half this?".  He said sure so we bought it.  Later on he opened it in the car and gave me about a half inch square of the brownie and he ate a large chunk of it.  He was saving the rest for later in the day.  When later came he opened it again and said do you want a bite, I said, "nah, not right now" and he ate the whole thing!!!!  I guess he is really trying his best to help me LOL.  While he is helping me he has gained 3 lbs!  So the moral of this story?  Don't let your husband split the brownie!!!  Weight on Monday was 253 lbs, which is a total loss of 35 lbs!!!  Still moving along!