Hey everyone!!  Hope you are having a great day!  The weather here is hot but beautiful!  I weighed Monday at 235lbs, which is a total loss of 53lbs!!!  Wooo Hooo!  I FINALLY broke the 50lb mark!!!  I am very excited about that!  Next goal 60!  I am still in amazement that I am actually losing weight!  Somebody pinch me!

So, on Father's Day we went to Dollywood Splash Country to celebrate.  It was my husband, two sons, one daughter in law and my mom.  Yes, I wore a swimsuit, in fact it was the same one I had bought to wear on the cruise in March and yes, it did fit much better!!!  So a big girl in a bathing suit....sounds like a very uncomfortable situation for everyone, right?   I learned something about myself that day.  Walking around in my swimsuit, I caught myself looking for someone who was my size or bigger.  Isn't that interesting?  Like I would feel more comfortable if I wasn't the largest girl in the park.  I thought about this and realized, I have done this my whole life!  I wonder do ALL girls look for someone that looks worse than they do when they enter an unfamiliar place?  A girl who may be shorter, or taller, bigger or smaller, uglier, dumber?  Why do we feel better about ourselves when we are around others who we feel superior to?  I wonder if that is an "American" thing?  Since then, I have made a concentrated effort to NOT look for the bigger girl!  I have had successful days and days of failure, but now that I am aware I will try to stop!  I do not need others to make me feel good about myself, that's my job!  I have always prided myself on my independence, my ability to be self reliant and my self esteem, maybe I have been fooling myself all this time?  Why do I keep finding things I need to work on emotionally?  I just wanted to lose weight!  Ah Ha!  There is no just losing weight, you have to deal with they why to prevent it from happening again!  Crud!  Oh well, no more weighting, now's my time!!!!!  Until next post, thanks for keeping me accountable friends!  (I'll post new picture at 60lbs and it won't be in my swimsuit!LOL)